Monday, January 4, 2010

Remember Lot’s Wife….Part II

During the Holiday e-mail rush I received an e-mail from a friend who forwarded another e-mail from another friend. This particular e-mail was about a family's motto. I wished I had saved the e-mail but I didn't. But it had your traditional family mottos, like pray, be respectful etc. The third or fourth item (there were only 5) said "Remember Lot's Wife". That struck me like lightning and I thought how odd for this family to have that as one of their motto. It bugged me all day long and most into the night. I'm a bit rusty on the Old Testament so I got out my Bible and started reading the story of Lot and his wife.

As you may recall, Lot was the nephew of Abraham and their families lived close to each other, but then their flocks became too large and they needed to move apart to give their flocks more room. Abraham gave Lot his choice and he chose a place near Sodom and Gomorrah. As we all know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah Lot was warned about the pending doom to fall of the cities. The angel who warned them told them to go quickly and DON'T LOOK BACK. As they were leaving the city the fire storm started to destroy the cities and Lot's wife looked back and became a "Pillar of Salt".

So, as I studied this further it confused me as to what a "Pillar of Salt" meant. Remember, I am rusty. So, I studied my scriptures more and found it to mean that she was killed instantly and became salt. Pretty literal, huh? I was satisfied, but still baffled why this family used this. I pondered it more and the key was the phrase Don't look back. I really had to open myself up and really think how that applied in my life and the answers I had been seeking, without knowing it, came at me like a tidal wave.

Suddenly, depression, confusion, anger, betrayal all seemed to wash away with the water. I received a personal revelation that I only know the magnitude of. It was a profound experience and I have not taken it lightly. I started applying those three simple words "DON'T LOOK BACK" in my life and I realized just how bad I was really needing this message. The Lord was directly telling me not to look back and that meant at a lot of things. Don't look back at mistakes, harmful words, arguments, and don't look back on the past. What was killing me was the very same thing that killed Lot's wife. I couldn't stop looking back.

I have not turned into a pillar of salt; the message came just at the right time. I think of this message every single day and I cannot express enough how much this has impacted my life. It has been a huge change and believe it or not, it was very simple. My first 17 years were horrible and I never let it go, neither did I let go of the pain and anger. The 20 years I was married was a lifetime to me and those are all the years I raised my family. I will still reflect on the kid's childhoods with fond memories, but trying to keep them still little and killing myself over it is over. I have learned that they are all adults now with children of their own and it's my time to take care of me. I'm not saying I stop caring, loving, worrying or communicating with me. I'm saying I have let go and have accepted my Empty Nester stage in my life.

I did one thing that opened my eyes up during the Christmas buying season. I had decided that Brian and Mallory needed to start their own family tradition at Christmas because they both have new daughters. I wanted them to grow up with the rich traditions that Brian and Mallory did. So, I set out and bought what I thought would be cool traditions. I called Mallory and asked her out of the two which one she would like and her comment really shocked me and actually hurt my feelings. She basically said what if she doesn't want to have a tradition and what if she didn't like what I got and wanted to do a different one? I was speechless! After thinking about it, she was right. Those traditions we had as a family were precious and if the kids want to continue them on their own then that is their choice. But, who am I to pick a tradition and say this is what you are going to do. See, I told you I didn't want to let go. I created this whole mess for myself, by myself.

However, lessons learned are a good thing and I am happy to say that as the New Year started so did my life. A life as an empty nester, a life filled with amazement at the future and a life not looking back. I am at peace and I will always remember Lot's wife.

1 comment:

Grace said...

in some small ways i can relate to what you are saying Debbie. I have seen some of my older kids turn away and really it's sad but what can you do? I guess we just love them no matter what, right? even when we want to cuss them out!! least that is what i feel like doing at times.
I love you matter what we do for our kids I don't think they ever truly appreciate it. Funny thing is, i never ever wanted to say mean things about my parents...oh sure i talked back to them and all but when i heard the nasty things said about other parents when i was young i never felt that toward mine. i was proud to say "those are my Mom and Dad" this generation is really interesting! to say the least.