Sunday, March 1, 2009

Facts about Facial Hair!

Where did the days go when my face was free from facial hair? Oh, those beauty, wonderful days. I am at the ole age of 44 and was put into a fast menopause by an emergency hysterectomy 1 1/2 years ago. Before that I had the usual stray hairs under my chin and had to wax my upper lip occasionally, nothing compared to now!

Wax, nair, tweeze, pull, pluck, wax, nair, shave, wax, SCREAM! Tweeze again and shave again....Oh, did you say no shaving? Oh that's right, they say shaving brings back more hair the next time. Hey, I have news for you....tweezing does the same thing. I don't care what I use to remove my gastly facial hair, I now need a lawnmower to trim the beautiful growth I have now.

I have the fine ones, the gray ones, the coarse black ones (I hate these the most), the tiny baby hairs that you can't get with anything, the fuzzy hair, the white ones, the kind ones that lay flat on my face and those obnoxious ones that like to stand erect for all the world to see.

I have sideburns...Yes, I said sideburns. Just like your imagining, on the side of my face like a MAN's. Shaved those one time....BIG MISTAKE! I haven't figured out how to get rid of these and love to wear my hair back, but lately I wear it around my face to hide my new, ugly friend.

I have tried it all and my poor neck/chin/face/eyebrows have suffered so much pain...PAIN! What about the disgrace I feel every single day living with such horrible critters on my face? I love that numb, frozen feeling you get after waxing your upper lip. You know the one, right? Sure, it's smooth (after you tweeze the ones away that it missed), but it's red, swollen and you feel like a dentist just did a number on it with his friend, Novocaine.

Waxes and creams? What are these things made out of? Have you heard of allergic reaction? Yep, that's me. Sure it removed my hair, but also made me look like a red blowfish. Sure, it last's longer, but so does an allergic reaction that leaves your face red for the entire month the hair was gone. Plus, have you ever gotten one of those creams, accidently of course, in your mouth. the taste and the sour stomach.

Ah...Tweezing is my favorite of all. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I don't go anywhere without my tweezers. I have a large collection of them and I definetely have my favorite one. I can spend hours and hours tweezing, near obsession on that one hair that got away. They say that if you pull a hair out by it's root then it will take longer to grow back and then eventually stop growing altogether. Now, first, what does a hair look like with the root attached to it? If it looks like a tree root, then you're in BIG trouble. You just might as well give it up now and join the world of men and facial hair. There's no HOPE. But, apparently, we have some hope because a hair root looks like a you've dipped the end of your hair into a slimy, white mold and if your lucky a artist touch of a black tip or even red if you pulled so hard you made yourself bleed. I haven't done that...ok, a little white lie.
So, here I sit trying to pull a hair out by it's root. If you can imagine me, or you it doesn't matter, sitting near your husband on a friday evening watching a movie and eating popcorn. You discovered this lone, black, coarse hair under your chin and your trusty little friend The Tweezer Man comes out to assist you. You set the tweezers into place and the hair jumps away, out of reach. You search and search until you find it or another one again and get ready for the kill, when you lose that one too. When you go by the touch and feel mode you end up with hide and seek.

So, you finally grasp that one hair and pull. If you pull lightly you will lose it again. So, you must pull slow, steady and fast. WOW, is this an olympic sport? You finally found the hair, managed to pull it out, and only to see that there is no white, slimy mold at the end of your hair. heavy sigh....That one will come back!

You don't give up, you try again and you try again. You try so many times that you feel so defeated and depressed. You gather enough strength to try just one more time and YOU GET IT!!!! Congratulations, you just got one hair by the root that will not grow back as fast, but you've cultivated about a hundred others in the process.

Someone help! Is there help out there for women in need like me? I have one thing left...Laser hair removal. Maybe when I win the lottery, which I don't play, I can have my entire face lasered and be free from facial hair forever. Until, then I shave, cream, wax, SCREAM!, tweeze, pull, nair, shave, cream, tweeze and tweeze and tweeze some more!


Loralee and the gang... said...

electrolysis (sp?) is the only thing you didn't mention. It's expensive, but not as much as laser, which can't be done on everyone, especially if the hair is too coarse (but why else would we pay so much to get it done!! I say). If you do elec. go prepared by taking about 4 ibuprophen or whatever for the pain... the first time you'll feel like your in shock...but it works! Oh and you also didn't mention facial bleaches. works well if hair is still somewhat soft.
Don't ask how I know so much about this...I'll deny everything!

Debbie said...

I had never heard of facial bleaches and I forgot electrolysis. I will have to continue my quest for that hairless face like I use to have! It's good to know I'm not alone. Your secret is safe with me!