I don't have anything really witty to say today. I don't really have a desire to write about my weight loss this past week, other than to say that I lost 3 more pounds. If you lost count, that is 6 pounds total. I feel pretty good about it and I could tell I had lost several pounds because my double chin was shrinking...I am very HAPPY about that.
Being home has made a huge impact on my diet and for that I am grateful. I still haven't exercised and somewhere I need to find the motivation to do so. I know in my mind and heart it will be good for me all the way around. I know it will be good for my body, my mind and my soul. Being Bi-Polar any doctor will tell you to exercise because that will help release different chemicals in your brain and will help your depression. I know that this is true, but yet it is so difficult for me to get out there and do it.
The other thing I think about is how I am neglecting my body and how I am disrespectful to what I've been given and not taking care of it. How can I expect the spirit to be with me when I don't even take care of myself? One of my biggest struggle with is my low self-image and at the age of 44 I am unsure if I can conquer that. I need help!
The other thing that has been entering my mind lately is how the pioneers crossed thousands of miles across the plains to get to the Salt Lake Valley. I wonder if I was told we had to make that journey to Jackson County Missouri how I would struggle because I haven't taken care of myself and I am not physically fit. Would I make it? I worry about that.
Today I am tired, feeling depressed and frustrated with myself. The three pounds lost was excellent, I know that, but I need to do more. I need to do a better job at taking care of my physical body. I am not accountable to anyone but myself and maybe that is part of the problem. How can I be accountable to myself when I don't like myself, let alone look in the mirror. I want to do better, I truly do, so somewhere in the depth of my body and soul I need to pull my guarded self out of there and try harder.
So, my goal this week is to go out one time and walk around the neighborhood. It might not seem like a lot to most people, but it's a big step for me and it's reasonable considering my state of mind. I think I can do this...please pray for me!