Is it Salt or Sugar?

When I was growing up playing April Fool's jokes were the best. I could never come up with a great joke though, until I was about 13. My adopted Dad loved to eat Puffed Rice cereal every single morning before he headed off to work. Along with this healthy food he added a TON of sugar. Spoon after spoon of that sweet sugary substance. So that year for April Fool's my step-sister, Naomi, and I decided to exchange the sugar with salt.

So late the night before April 1st we waited until that perfect hour so we could very quietly go to the kitchen and exchange the sugar container with salt. You have to picture that the house was pretty small and their bedroom was right next to ours. You walked a short distance down the hall and you came to the kitchen. Any light sleeper could have heard us even opening our door, let alone getting into cupboards and stuff.

We felt like little Christmas Elves being ever so quiet so we didn't wake the children. We had a hard time staying quiet amongst the laughter that kept swelling inside at the thought of what dear old Dad would find in his cereal in the morning.

So, in super quiet, stealth mode we exchanged the sugar container with salt. Yep, we sure did! Good 'ole Morton Salt. The whole process must of taken us forever to exchange the two, clean up our mess and put everything back in the exact spot it was. I don't remember how long it took, but I remember the excitement of pulling this prank off as the best joke of the year and the anxiety of being caught in the act and what horrible punishment we would get.

As we headed back to our beds we also grabbed a few delicious butterscotch chip cookies my step-mom always made, they were my favorite. It took us forever to get to sleep, we were so proud of ourselves and couldn't wait for the morning when he had his breakfast cereal.

As predicted he awoke in the morning in his usual fashion and got ready for work in his daily routine, not changing one thing. We both laid in bed for the scream and then hoped we weren't in for a good spanking afterwards. The final moment came and as he poured 1/2 cup of sugar on his cereal he soon discovered it was not sugar, but SALT! He let out this horrible scream that I'm sure woke the whole neighborhood and we just laughed and laughed in our little beds. He quickly ran to the kitchen sink and washed his mouth out with water. I remember him roaring at what we did. We didn't care, we were feeling so full of pride that the prank worked. We were stars!

We never did get in trouble for it, but he wasn't very amused to say the least. He left for work as usual, but I don't think he ate his cereal that morning, probably afraid of what he would find in the salt shaker (sugar of course). However, the best part was when my step-mom laughed at the little joke we played and said something to him like "that will show you". She was extra happy that morning as we got up and readied ourselves for school.

I am sure that this man never, ever forgot the best April Fool's joke of the century, I know we didn't.

Moral of the story: If you like cup after cup of sugar on your cereal in the morning, you might want to check to see if it is indeed sugar before you pour it on your cereal.

Now, please leave me a comment on the best practical joke you played on someone or received on April 1st.

Jesus versus the Easter Bunny

I follow the blog of Modern Molly Mormon which is a great blog hosted by several women who all take turns writing on the blog. It's a great blog and you should check it out.

Today there was a great post on whether to use the Easter Bunny in your Easter celebrations. She wrote eloquently about how she uses both and that one doesn't take away from the other. She states "The Lord will NEVER be out done by Santa, The Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny, never in a bazillion years and as long as the teachings of the Lord, his resurrection and the true meaning of Him in our lives, hearts and minds is taught to our children with more conviction than the mythical beings then we are not harming anyone."

My children all had the Easter Bunny visit and we dyed eggs and hid them. We also celebrated Christs resurrection, had traditional ham dinner and went to church. They all delighted going to Grandma's house and finding that the Easter Bunny came there also, how thoughtful that little Easter Bunny is.

I am looking forward to little Sophie and Brian's Baby (not named yet) so that I can be the Easter Bunny for them. Even though I am miles apart I will still, always, send Easter Packages. In fact, I can't wait to do all those fun things for them. So, check out her post and enjoy Easter at your house.

WIDDLE-A-WAY WEEK #4

Drum roll please...........................My weigh in today was 226! That means, yes....I have lost 3 pounds this past week, with a grand total of 4 pounds.. Help me celebrate! I'm sure you can imagine my excitement as I peered over my blooming bossoms and saw the scale read 226. I actually moved the scale to several different spots in the bathroom to make sure I wasn't seeing things. I also weighed myself several times to check to make sure I still wasn't seeing things.

I had a pretty good feeling that when I came home from Virginia I would do better with my eating and it has shown. I only exercised once last week and haven't since I've been home, unless you consider cleaning a ton of dust bunnies off of my furniture.

My hope for this week is to continue to stay on tract with my eating and do some walking in the beautiful weather we are having here in Central Ohio. It would be good to get out and enjoy the weather and birdies chirping. I really enjoy that.

Until next week....If you are trying to Widdle-A-Way leave a comment or link to your own post so that I can follow your success and I can support you!!!!!

Widdle-A-Way Week #3

One pound, just one pound! I still feel a bit hopeless, but losing one pound is better than last week when I didn't lose any. Weight Watchers will tell you that one pound is good, so I will celebrate.

I seemed to do better with my diet this past week, but still struggled with my crutches. I cut back a lot on my candy intake, so that was good. Eating out every day is hindering me though and I can't wait to go home the end of this week so I can eat better and actually cook a meal. I have great Weight Watcher cookbooks that taste fabulous, I will post some recipes next week.

Exercise was another struggle for me this past week. I walked on the treadmill once and then one of the tourist things I did I walked 2 miles, so I did better. When I go home the end of the week I won't have a treadmill, but there are a lot of sidewalks in my subdivision and it is pretty out so that will be nice.

I am hopeful for this coming up week. My diet will be more under control, but exercise will still be a struggle for me. I still hate to see myself in a mirror and cringe every time I do, but it seems to motivate me even further. One day at a time, isn't that what they say. So, today I will celebrate ONE pound and pat myself on the back for making an effort.

I would call my Autobiography....Because....

Every other Sunday over at Blog Stalkers Unite they have a question that sometimes provide thought provoking questions, other times they questions are fun. This week's question is "I would call my Autobiography.....Because...."

I have actually started a book and it’s called Follow the Firefly’s. Here is an excerpt from the dedication page.

“Follow the Firefly’s is my story of my journey home. To a place I knew every day of my life that existed, a home that would take me 37 years to get to and a home that gave me path’s and glimpses of where I was heading, without even knowing it.

This journey will captivate you as you grow and move along my life’s path to home. May you be respectful of the door you are entering, listen with your heart and watch with your eyes as the kaleidoscope of life gives dramatic colorful images. As you pass a mirror, reflect upon your own life and see into your own heart the longing that’s hiding there. May this book give you the courage to Follow the Firefly’s and find your own journey’s end.

Finally, to my sweet Victor…….If I hadn't followed the fireflies, I would have never found him.”

When it's published I hope you enjoy it!

Memories of childhood revisited

Do you have a favorite childhood memory that you have revisited as an adult? If you haven't, do you long to return to that memory and go back to early times when things were simpler and carefree? For me, one of those rare but precious memories was revisited yesterday at Mt. Vernon.

I had a horrific childhood, filled with sexual/physical/emotional abuse by my Adopted Mother. One summer when I was 11 my adopted Dad took me, my adopted brother, two step-sisters and his second wife on a whirlwind trip back east. It is my fondest and cherished memory of my childhood. For a few short months I was able to escape the horrors at home and be a child. I wasn't living in fear of what was coming in the next hour. We went to many places on this trip, Boston, Gettysburg, Washington D.C., King's Dominion, The Sacred Grove/Hill Cumorah and Mt. Vernon.

I don't remember what day it was, what time it was or the weather, but I remembered the place. A place that seemed to stand still in time, quiet, serene and something I wished I had at my tender age.

Well, yesterday I got a chance to visit Mt. Vernon and go back to my childhood, it was a GREAT day! The weather here in Virginia was gorgeous yesterday, beautiful clear blue sky and 67 degrees. I got to Mt. Vernon at 11am and amongst what seemed like a million people I was catapulted back to my childhood and those simpler days.

I was amazed at how much I truly remembered. The tour of the house was just the way I remembered it, the outer buildings were just as I remembered them. The beauty and peace of the place was still there, as if time truly did stand still. The house overlooks the Potomac River with massive lawns. The view yesterday from the back porch was breathtaking and as I sat down on the porch chairs I was able to find the peace in my soul that I've been missing. I took a lot of pictures of the surroundings, but I did not take a picture of the back lawn overlooking the Potomac River, this picture I made in my head in a place I only want to see and visit.

The Plantation itself is one to marvel at. I was struck at how large the bedrooms were, there were 9 total and that was unheard of back then. The bedrooms were also different from other Plantation homes I've visited because they all had closets, very unusual. The home was elegantly decorated from floor to ceiling with excellent workmanship that made me stand in awe. I could have looked at the woodworking and detail for hours. I saw the actual bed that George Washington died in and I felt a sense of honor as I quietly gazed at his final resting place.

The outer buildings were fun and gave you a clear picture of what times were like back in those days and at how wealthy the Washington's really were. I have been to a lot of Plantations and this one was the largest I've been too. There were massive gardens, orchards and pastures for the animals. His and Martha's tomb was a short walk from the main house in a serene, treed area. Each day at sunrise and sunset they have a flag ceremony, I wish I could of seen that.

In these fast-paced stressful times we live in, it was refreshing to visit those bygone years and just for a moment step back in time and let all of today's problems wash away. My first trip and my last trip to Mt. Vernon has been etched eternally in my mind.

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Now, tell me your favorite childhood memory that you have visited as an adult.

Green or Orange

Growing up on St. Patrick's Day my adopted Dad would always wear a very old ORANGE cardigan sweater. He never wore GREEN and preferred us kids not wearing GREEN either. His entire life he wore ORANGE based on the years and years of war in Ireland between the Protestants and Catholics.

He grew up strict Protestant by his German Mother and the war in Ireland seemed to be kept alive in this radical family, who never forgot the battle for religious freedom.

Today people wear ORANGE on St. Patrick's Day in favor for Protestants, GREEN if you support the Catholics and RED if you are in support of Britain. So, the color you wear/wore was dependant on your own religious beliefs. The color GREEN became the symbol of sympathy for the Irish Independence. To gain Independence the British actually executed people found wearing any type of GREEN.


In Italy they wear RED on St. Patrick's Day, symbolizing the support of Britain in the century old upheaval in Ireland. In olden times the Irish would burn anything RED because of their hatred toward England, so in turn, the British would shoot people wearing GREEN. It all sounds like craziness to me, but the war for religious freedom is everywhere from the beginning of time to even today.

For me, I don't wear anything GREEN/RED or ORANGE. I, like all my regular beliefs, stay neutral. I've never been one to join a cause or openly rebel for or against something. I'm much happier being quiet and doing my own thing. Wearing ORANGE was instilled in me during my entire childhood, so I suppose in open rebellion to my childhood I wear no colors associated with St. Patrick's Day. So, whatever COLOR you wear today Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Widdle-A-Way Week #2

The good news is I didn't gain any weight, but the bad news is I didn't lose any either. I suppose I need to be more positive and realize that it's OK not to lose weight in your first week and that's is awesome that I didn't gain anything. However, I was disappointed when I stepped on the scale this morning.

I wasn't as diligent as I intended to be this week. I only exercised once and I kept track of my points real good for one day. The other days I kinda of kept the points in my head, but I think my math is better on paper.

I am finding that it is very hard to start this new round of weight loss because we are staying in a hotel and we eat out everyday. Yes, I know that all restaurants serve salads, but like I said before I'm not a salad eater. I did eat a salad at Panera that was good until I got an allergic reaction to something that was in it. We went to Applebees one night because I knew that they had weight watcher meals, so I did good that night. I have been cutting back on my caffeine-free-diet coke, but in looking at weight watchers points drinking this delightful soda is NO points.
So, this week I am going to keep on trying and hope that I do a better job at sticking to my goals. I think I will exercise with Victor in the evening this week and see if that helps me stay on target. I have been told by many doctors that getting exercise will help my mood and depression, so I know it's healthy for my body and my mind, but it is so hard motivating myself when all I want to do is sleep.

So, until next week I will keep trying and hopefully the scale next week will show a few pounds lost.

Widdle-A-Way

First of all let me be very clear....I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE to have my picture taken. I do not have a very good self-image of myself and you will never see me post a picture of myself. It's because I am very overweight and I am so embarrassed to have my picture taken or posted anywhere.

However, I have been contemplating about doing a series on my weight loss journey and in so doing I feel I have to post my picture. I truly want to do a series on this, but I am afraid. I finally have to admit I have a weight problem and that I have to do something about it. So, this series Widdle-A-Way is my journey to a healthier, skinnier and beautiful ME.

Like I said I have a very bad self-image of myself. See the gorgeous woman in the brown top, that is how I see myself. I'm afraid if I don't start doing something I may end of looking like the lady in green. The funny thing is that inside I don't feel fat. I am a kid at heart, just ask my kids, and don't see myself as old or fat. Is the mirror tricking me? Is the scale wrong? I certainly don't see myself sexy or attractive, but I have a wonderful husband who loves me flab and all. That is one of the reason's I love him so much, he accepts me for who I am.

For my history, I was never overweight as a child or teenager. When I got pregnant with my first child I weighed 105, I am 5'2". I now weigh 229 and unfortunately my height is still 5'2". I gained a lot of weight with my first and second babies, 60 with one and 50 with the other. My weight gain with Mallory was only 16 pounds.

After Brian was born my thyroid completely shut down. In three days I literally gained 25 pounds, no joke. So, thyroid is a contributing factor, but not an excuse to use as a crutch. I started taking anti-depressants in 1989 and have been taking them ever since, another contribution. In 1991 I was diagnosed with pernicious anemia which is a rare anemia for women to get. Taking regular iron supplements doesn't work for this type of anemia, so I give myself shots of B12 once a month. In 2002 I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar and was put on several medication's and for those who don't know, most anti-psychotic medication has a huge weight gain factor in it. So, I felt doomed over and over again.

I have tried things over the years. In 1994 I worked on weight loss, granted I didn't have all my psych drugs (5 in total) and lost like 30 pounds. I did really good on riding a stationary bike and watching my diet. Then I did walking in our neighborhood on and off and I joined Gold's Gym one time and went faithfully for a few months, then quit going. Just last year I joined Weight Watchers and I did good again for 2 months. I lost 17 pounds, but I got discouraged by not losing more in those 2 months, so I quit.

Over the past year I have seen my weight go up and up like a rocket and I've been unable to control it or keep it in check. I'm at the point now where I just can't stand it anymore. I can't even look at myself in the mirror and I certainly don't want Victor looking at me, so our intimacy has changed drastically. The other issue I have is Victor doesn't sleep in the same bed as me because I snore like a grizzly bear. This has been going on for several years now and even though I will say I'm use to it, it truly bothers me that we have separate bedrooms.


So, what do I do? I know that I don't want to look like this bronze beauty, nor is it practical. I want to be healthy and feel good about myself inside and out. I know that I need to cut foods out like hamburgers and pop, chocolate (my biggest addiction), pizza (Oh, how I love pizza) and other junk that I eat. My diet isn't all bad, I do drink 1% milk, I eat cheerios everyday for breakfast. I'm not much of a salad person, but I am trying to like it.

Now, in talking with my doctor about my weight she has said a few things. One, I can't take a prescription weight reduction med. I tried that one time and when I had had an accident in my pants I stopped that. Also, now with all my medication Weight Reduction pills are a stimulant and I can't take them now anyway. The weight reduction surgeries they have now I don't qualify for those because of my Bi-Polar, however, you would think they would take someone with Bi-Polar because maybe their weight issue is causing them extra stress and depression. Plastic surgery and liposuction is way to expensive and isn't covered by our insurance. So, I have to go back to basic. Eat lean and smart and EXERCISE....ugh

My stats are: I'm 5'2" and weight 229. For my height and age I need to be in the 101-138 range. My goal is 150, I figure that's a good round number and I think for my current condition 101 is unrealistic. My bra size is 44D. Now I know that many women wish they had larger breasts, but I would do anything to go back to 34C. My pants size is between 18-20 depending on the brand. My shirt size is 2x-3x, again depending on the brand.

So, here's my plan. I am going to weigh myself every Monday and I will do a post every Monday on my progress. I've rejoined weight watchers and I am so far being faithful to my "points". In the hotel we are staying at there is a treadmill and so I've been using the treadmill every other day. Some of my crutches is caffeine free diet coke and I need to replace that with water, but as many dietitians say, you don't have to cut everything out, just use in moderation.

I hope that with the right attitude I will be successful in losing some weight this time around. I know that I am loved by my family and close friends who don't see the weight, but see ME. I hope with their encouragement I can see myself through their eyes at the sweet, beautiful person I am.

Mallory's Misery

First off, isn't my daughter BEAUTIFUL! As you know, Mallory is expecting my first granddaughter in 6 weeks. I had to use this graduation picture of her because she refuses to send me pictures of her being pregnant with Sophie. So, this will have to do.....grumble grumble.


Mallory has had an uneventful pregnancy thus far. She, of course, has had the normal discomfort that most women experience during pregnancy. She had a lot of cramping when she was first pregnant, she's had weird cravings, she's had morning sickness and fatigue. But her most severe discomfort is now.

We all know in that last month of pregnancy you feel like a Goodyear blimp. You are miserable walking and the baby kicks so much you get bruised ribs. You start to retain water and you usually put the most pounds on. Mallory is now borderline preeclampsia and is MISERABLE!

It started about a month ago when she called me and asked me if I had ever had problems with my wrists hurting. I never had that problem and I had never heard of anyone having that problem. She said that she looked it up in her book and it said that you can get carpal tunnel during pregnancy. She said that it was really painful and is now to the point where she is having troubles eating, she can barely hold a utensil.

She had a doctor's appointment a week ago and her blood pressure was 140/90 and he doctor was very alarmed. Considering her wrist's are the size of elephant legs and her blood pressure being high the doctor told her that she could have preeclampsia. They discussed what that was and her doctor told her that she needed to stay pregnant for another 2 weeks and then they would talk about delivering early. She's due the 21st of April. They had her do a 24-hour urine test which had to be uncomfortable in her state.

She had to place a catch basin in the toilet, pee in a cup or something like that, then transfer the urine into a larger container and store that in the frig. She had to do this for 24 hours. Can you imagine having urine stored in your refrigerator? How disgusting! Besides the fact that she's huge and probably has trouble using the bathroom anyway. Poor thing!

She had a rough weekend and started showing other signs of preeclampsia, yesterday was even worse. She has been talking to the advice nurse at Kaiser and they finally got her in yesterday to see a doctor. Her blood pressure was 130/80, Sophie's heartbeat was good so that was a good thing. They want to see her back in a week, but meanwhile she is so MISERABLE! My heart aches for her.

I have told her to rest as much as possible, but she gets tired of that. She's been sleeping a lot and complaining about her sudden weight gain. She's just plain tired of being pregnant, but weren't we all at this stage. However, she is having a double whammy and is doubly tired.

I talk to her everyday to check on her and she calls if she is having a rough day or needs to talk. I have so enjoyed these past 8 months with her. I am so proud of her and how well she has taken care of herself and Sophie. She is going to be a great mommy.

One of Mallory's baby pictures....Isn't she just the cutest?

What's your theme song?

What's your theme song?

If you could describe yourself to perfection by choosing a "theme song", what would that song be? I have taken that challenge today to discover my own theme song. It's harder than it sounds.

I love music of all genres and I have a zillion favorite songs that I just love. My father left me this beautiful gift of love and appreciation for music. My father was a huge Elvis fan and loved everything Elvis. While my mom was pregnant with me he would sing to me and I believe I loved that very much. My father also played the guitar and from what my mother says he was very good at it. I happen to play the piano, although I don't consider myself very skilled at it. My father also loved to sing, which I inherited also. I'm guessing he was better than I was, any smart comment made by Simon Cowell on my singing would be dead on.

So, my theme song. I have had many over the years such as: "Wind Beneath My Wings", this was during my years of being without my birthmother. Another theme song of mine was "You're The Inspiration" by Chicago. I had this song for several years during my painful divorce.

Currently, I think my song would be "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw.

He said: "I was in my early forties, "With a lot of life before me,

"An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.

"I spent most of the next days, "Looking at the x-rays,

"An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time.

"I asked him when it sank in, That this might really be the real end?

How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news? Man whatcha do?

An' he said: "I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,

"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.

"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,

"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying.

"An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance, "To live like you were dyin'."

He said "I was finally the husband, "That most the time I wasn’t.

"An' I became a friend a friend would like to have.

"And all of a sudden goin' fishin’,"Wasn’t such an imposition,

"And I went three times that year I lost my Dad.

"Well, I finally read the Good Book, "And I took a good long hard look,

"At what I'd do if I could do it all again,

"And then: "I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,

"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.

"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter, "And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying.

"An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance, "To live like you were dyin'.

" Like tomorrow was a gift, And you got eternity, To think about what you’d do with it.

Live like tomorrow was a gift!

To continue the fun click on the picture above to be linked to the rules.

Guest of the Week

I get a phone call from Guest Services that went like this:

Ring Ring

Me: Hello

Guest Services: Hi, this is guest services and I want to congratulate you. You are our Guest of the Week.

Me: Really? WOW! Thank You!

Guest Services: Your welcome! When you have time, we have a gift for you at the front desk.

Me: Really? Ok, I'll tell my husband. Thank you again!

Guest Services: Your welcome! Bye

Click

-------------------------------

I was obviously surprised by this unexpected windfall that just fell into our laps. My first thought was, "What kind of gift do we get?". Wouldn't that be everyone first thought? My next thought was, "I didn't know hotels had such things as 'guest of the week'". My final thought was, "I can't wait to tell Victor, this will make his day!".

My first thought I will answer at the end (don't scroll down to the bottom, you have to wait.

My second thought: "I didn't know hotels had such things as 'guest of the week'". Well, we are proof that they do have things such as this. I don't know if it's just Hilton or not, but we don't care, we are honored just the same. I wonder why we were chosen for guest of the week? Is it because we've been here 1 month and counting? That could be a good reason to honor someone with such a prestigious award. Maybe it's because I only have housekeeping clean our room twice a week. Another good reason, they are saving money. It could be because I do my own laundry in the beautiful laundry facility they provide. Granted they charge 1.00 for washing and 1.00 for drying and the dryer's burned my first load. Hmmm...Maybe they should take the cost of my gift and put it towards decent dryers. Anyway, it could also be that we don't complain when they serve our complimentary dinner every night even though it looks and tastes like it came from a military base. Whatever the reason we are "guest of the week".

My final thought: "I can't wait to tell Victor, he will be so excited". I couldn't wait to tell my beloved, but my excitement was stomped on when he wasn't excited at all. His comment was "Whatever". I suppose he had had a bad day, but you would think that would cheer him up. He didn't even care to go and get our "gift". I had to bug him all night to go and get it. When he finally did go and get it I anxiously waited in the room pacing the floor with such anticipation I couldn't sit still.

Now my first thought.

My first thought: What kind of gift do we get? We are staying at Hilton's Homewood Suites. The name Hilton should be a give-a-way as to the financial security of this hotel chain. I mean, Paris HILTON come on. She is sure to give away a beautiful gift. My thoughts raced about maybe a dinner out, maybe a free night stay at our hotel or better yet a free weekend get-a-way at any Hilton Hotel. WOW! I was so excited to see this "gift".

Well, Victor went to the lobby to pick up our "gift" and came back upstairs. I don't know why I didn't go with him. Maybe it's because I was so excited I didn't want to show how excited I was to the hotel staff. He came back to our room and I was like a tiger ready to pounce on him. He said to me, literally, "Do you want to see your "gift"?" I, of course, said YES! He then pulled out of his pocket a very (I mean very small) small gold box of chocolates. That's right a box of chocolates. I opened it up and there were 4 little nuggets inside of it. My excitement must of shown on my face as Victor started uncontrollably laughing. They did give us a pre-printed generic card, but the staff did all sign it. I said "What kind of gift is that?". I then added "Is that all they can do? We are "guests of the week" and they can't do any better than a box of chocolate?" I was heartbroken. Gone were my dreams of a weekend getaway. Heck, I would of settled for a free dinner other than the hotel lobby.

Remember that dryer problem they have? This box of chocolates wouldn't even cover the cost of the drying, remember 1.00. Remember Paris Hilton? No wonder she's so rich, she gives 6 month old chocolates to guests hoping they will return and be so honored that they will want to keep coming back. Moral of story: If you are staying at a large hotel chain and they award you with "Guest of the Week", don't be so excited. You will probably only get the same thing we got, a stale box of chocolates and a pre-printed generic card!

Facts about Facial Hair!

Where did the days go when my face was free from facial hair? Oh, those beauty, wonderful days. I am at the ole age of 44 and was put into a fast menopause by an emergency hysterectomy 1 1/2 years ago. Before that I had the usual stray hairs under my chin and had to wax my upper lip occasionally, nothing compared to now!

Wax, nair, tweeze, pull, pluck, wax, nair, shave, wax, SCREAM! Tweeze again and shave again....Oh, did you say no shaving? Oh that's right, they say shaving brings back more hair the next time. Hey, I have news for you....tweezing does the same thing. I don't care what I use to remove my gastly facial hair, I now need a lawnmower to trim the beautiful growth I have now.

I have the fine ones, the gray ones, the coarse black ones (I hate these the most), the tiny baby hairs that you can't get with anything, the fuzzy hair, the white ones, the kind ones that lay flat on my face and those obnoxious ones that like to stand erect for all the world to see.

I have sideburns...Yes, I said sideburns. Just like your imagining, on the side of my face like a MAN's. Shaved those one time....BIG MISTAKE! I haven't figured out how to get rid of these and love to wear my hair back, but lately I wear it around my face to hide my new, ugly friend.

I have tried it all and my poor neck/chin/face/eyebrows have suffered so much pain...PAIN! What about the disgrace I feel every single day living with such horrible critters on my face? I love that numb, frozen feeling you get after waxing your upper lip. You know the one, right? Sure, it's smooth (after you tweeze the ones away that it missed), but it's red, swollen and you feel like a dentist just did a number on it with his friend, Novocaine.

Waxes and creams? What are these things made out of? Have you heard of allergic reaction? Yep, that's me. Sure it removed my hair, but also made me look like a red blowfish. Sure, it last's longer, but so does an allergic reaction that leaves your face red for the entire month the hair was gone. Plus, have you ever gotten one of those creams, accidently of course, in your mouth. Hmmmm....love the taste and the sour stomach.

Ah...Tweezing is my favorite of all. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I don't go anywhere without my tweezers. I have a large collection of them and I definetely have my favorite one. I can spend hours and hours tweezing, near obsession on that one hair that got away. They say that if you pull a hair out by it's root then it will take longer to grow back and then eventually stop growing altogether. Now, first, what does a hair look like with the root attached to it? If it looks like a tree root, then you're in BIG trouble. You just might as well give it up now and join the world of men and facial hair. There's no HOPE. But, apparently, we have some hope because a hair root looks like a you've dipped the end of your hair into a slimy, white mold and if your lucky a artist touch of a black tip or even red if you pulled so hard you made yourself bleed. I haven't done that...ok, a little white lie.

So, here I sit trying to pull a hair out by it's root. If you can imagine me, or you it doesn't matter, sitting near your husband on a friday evening watching a movie and eating popcorn. You discovered this lone, black, coarse hair under your chin and your trusty little friend The Tweezer Man comes out to assist you. You set the tweezers into place and the hair jumps away, out of reach. You search and search until you find it or another one again and get ready for the kill, when you lose that one too. When you go by the touch and feel mode you end up with hide and seek.

So, you finally grasp that one hair and pull. If you pull lightly you will lose it again. So, you must pull slow, steady and fast. WOW, is this an olympic sport? You finally found the hair, managed to pull it out, and only to see that there is no white, slimy mold at the end of your hair. heavy sigh....That one will come back!

You don't give up, you try again and you try again. You try so many times that you feel so defeated and depressed. You gather enough strength to try just one more time and YOU GET IT!!!! Congratulations, you just got one hair by the root that will not grow back as fast, but you've cultivated about a hundred others in the process.

Someone help! Is there help out there for women in need like me? I have one thing left...Laser hair removal. Maybe when I win the lottery, which I don't play, I can have my entire face lasered and be free from facial hair forever. Until, then I shave, cream, wax, SCREAM!, tweeze, pull, nair, shave, cream, tweeze and tweeze and tweeze some more!